I was always a happy-go-lucky girl with a great set of parents and a loving elder brother who I can take a bullet for. Happily oblivious of many guiles, vices, discomforts and unpleasantries in life, I took everything I did seriously and gave the best I could.
Gotten walloped in the face with the demise of my mother, existential crisis dawn upon me which made me a nihilist. My education went haywire; I lost my friends; that ‘happy-go-lucky girl’ with a lot of dreams became an introvert with insomnia and a whole lot of self-doubt. It took a toll on my self-esteem, and I began questioning myself and everything with a lot of whys, whats and what-ifs.
Most of my rebellion came from taking myself seriously, overestimating the control I had on my life and stupidly believing that there is nothing else to life, but me and my problems. But guess what I learnt the hard way; ‘that nothing really matters and everything shall eventually pass’.
I was always an outlier, and I am nothing, if not for the questions I asked or the mistakes I made. I began asking people those questions, seeking answers. I became chatty or maybe even a little of an ambivert. I enjoyed the people: their stories, perceptions, troubles, happiness, and everything about them.
Did that enlightenment make me any wiser? I would love to believe so. Do I regret anything in life so far? Absolutely not. Am I proud of who I am today? I think so. Will I make new mistakes? Hell yes. Because, how else can I be ‘old and wise’ without being ‘young and stupid’?
So, that’s who I am — young and stupid, waiting to ask a lot more questions, talk to a lot more people, know their perceptions and stories and waiting to tell mine.
The world is so chaotic yet simple. Huge yet small. Distant yet reachable. It’s all the perception of a person that matters. Perceptions have the power to make or break our world. The choice is all that makes a difference. Whether it is conscious or subconscious, the decision once made, sets the perspective, and the world will reel out through in that light. The world is as dynamic as each person, their unique choice, and their view.
Amidst these many perspectives and many different perceptions of the world, standing bona fide to our self-conscious becomes most challenging. Getting ourselves to trust people is yet another trial.
But can we cease to trust people? No, being betrayed shouldn’t stop us from having faith in people. Duplicity should teach us to trust more, learn more life lessons from our mistakes. Such experiences should give us the courage to believe people and not be pistanthrophobic because it will be a different relationship, a different person, a different belief, a different deceit and a different lesson.
All these various experiences through various mistakes make life all the more interesting. Let’s trust more. Being betrayed makes us better people.
The contradiction in conversations between the various voices within and around me is what keeps me alive.
Humanity is complex. These complications are because of the duality or the multiplicity of the core schema of human beings and its’ ideology.
Being self-contradictory is alright. Learn to deal with it, or rather live with it. Sort your mind out. Feel alive. Love those contradictions and controversies of the multiplicity in human beings.
Then there comes the point, every day, every second wherein you ought to be genuine and honest to that one person who is YOUR-SELF.
Let the hypocrisy not creep in.Let the paradoxes go hand in hand. Have harmony in the contradictions. Be multiple characters. Be YOU.